Normal? Or Not Normal?

Sometimes I seriously wonder if there is something seriously wrong with the way I think. I am kept up at night worrying about things like the impending zombie apocalypse (it's coming y'all, PREPARE YOURSELF), and how I could possibly be at the grocery store and someone might hit me with a buggy on accident, but somehow my leg breaks. Then while I am in the hospital with my broken leg there's an air bubble in my IV and BOOM. DEAD. All because we were out of milk. *sigh* I need to be back on Xanax, and that's bible right there. (That was for you Kristin. BIBLE.)
Also, I want to be friends with the woman who had to buy this bra. Because she has some huge bazookas and probably is awesome because of it:

For real y'all, one cup of this bra comfortably encased my whole head. I could have worn it as hat, but even then it would be a little too big.
On the same trip to the thrift store, Danielle and I found hats that were suitable for a royal wedding. Sadly I do not have pictures of these hats. We wanted to buy them SOOOO bad and wear them out into public for a day, but they wanted $15 for those hats! What the what?? Afterwards, we talked about it and decided that it's probably best we didn't get them because once everyone has seen us in those fabulous hats, we would never be able to wear them again, and the next hats we buy would have to be even better, and it would hard to have topped these hats. But I did find a good drinking shirt and these adorable piggy earrings:
(Notice it's a boy and a girl pig)

I wore them last night with the hopes of having a conversation starter, but as it turns out, no one really notices earrings. So I had to tell everyone to look at my amazing earrings and it totally defeated the purpose and was exhausting at that. Danielle bought some awesome seagull earrings. They also went unnoticed. I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't disappointed. I would TOTALLY notice if someone was wearing rad earwear.
My spellchecker is not happy about the word earwear. If it isn't a legit word, it should be. Maybe I should send an email to the dictionary people and demand it be made a word. I could get a petition going and everything. EARWEAR EARWEAR EARWEAR. Take that spell check.